Perfectionism on the outside can look like having an established career, a solid education, a good job, nice home, car and clothes. Check, check and check!

On the inside it can be very different. It can look like:

– Needing to make everyone happy

– Needing to do a REALLY GOOD JOB with things

– Caring about what other people think of you

– Procrastination

– Needing to be in control

– Being sensitive to criticism

– Setting impossible high standards for yourself

– Being super self-critical

– Over working

It can sound like:

It’s not enough.”I’m not good enough” and “I need to be better.”

We believe that we only matter when we have accomplished certain things. We believe that other people will not love and accept us unless we are achieving!

This makes us feel constantly crappy and always afraid of being judged.

How do we cope with these feelings of fear?  We bend over backwards, sacrifice ourselves and scramble to meet everyone’s expectations so they won’t reject or criticize us.

How do we change this?


Start with accepting that your actions & efforts are “good enough” and allow space for breaks and self-care.

You are doing the best you can and you are perfectly imperfect in every way.

Ask yourself:

What can I do less of right now?

What can I do to bring joy in my life?

Why does this matter so much and would it matter as much in the bigger picture of things?

What would happen if I spend less time doing ____?

Remember that this is a journey so start small and practice patience and kindness with yourself as you begin 🙂

About Vanessa Maharaj

A clinical social worker (MSW, RSW) with 15 years of field experience and a Master of Social Work Degree from Wilfrid Laurier University. Owner of Mind Therapy.